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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Rekindle the inner spirit

7th October 2012
Friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.
 
I wasn't having any insomnia. I had been sleeping peacefully and soundly. I had been working really hard and stressed up lately. Too many things hit me like a bullet train at a go. I knew that it was hard to handle but I wish to try. Giving up is just not my style. It was weird because everyone thought that I was sad. I really thought I was HAPPY again but no one believes. I had no idea why my friends thought that I was sad. Alright, maybe I was, I'm just saying maybe only. But even acquaintances thought that I'm sad as well. Every single day (for weeks), I received msg(s) encouraging me not to be sad. That makes me seriously paranoid. I maybe concealing my sadness, or could it be possible that I'm really happy.
 
I had been smiling so hard and laughing out heartily, stretching my mouth to smile like a whale.
 
 
 
 
Do I really look that sad?
 
Epic failed then.
 
 
 
 
I thought I concealed it pretty well. It was so convincing that I myself was absolutely convinced that I'm happy. It dawn upon me, wondering if I'm truly happy when my friends claimed that I wasn't.
 
Finally, my worst nightmare happened. I can't differentiate if I'm happy anymore. I am smiling, but I don't know if I feel happy. Somehow, I got no feelings. I'm not joking about this at all because this is no funny matter anymore. This is just so screwed up.
 
 
 
 
What a joke!
 
What brought this upon me? HAHAHA~
 
 
 
 
I don't wanna portray myself as a sadlings infront of people.
 
I want to be mentally strong and live with pride.
 
 
 
And I decided to brainwash myself by saying...
 
 
 
 
 
I'M SO HAPPY!
I'M SO HAPPY!
I'M SO HAPPY!
I'M SO HAPPY!
I'M SO HAPPY!
 
I'M SO-SO-SO HAPPY!
 
I AM A HAPPY GIRL! ♥
 
 
 
 
... every single day
 
 
 
 
 
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Supposingly, I should meet Ah Tard @ Northpoint at 12.30pm. Unfortunately, my sleepyhead was too heavy on my pillow. Pillow loved me so much that it refused to let me go. I'm just kidding. I ended up reaching at 2pm. Ah Tard was freaking scary even though I did not voice out my doubts. The usual her would have hit the rooftop upon my arrival. I was late for nearly 2 hrs and she just waited patiently. Not only she did not give me a tongue lashing, she never said much about my lateness. My cold sweat broke out for minutes pondering deep inside. I dare not mention, worrying that I might remind her accidentally. So I kept quiet about it.
 
 
 
 
But it was indeed a close shave for me to escape this ordeal.
 
 
 
 
Her hidden grudge can be really scary and mentally torturing. Only I've been through that (long ago). Poor me, I'll just give myself a pat on my back now. Ok, the thought of giving a pat on my back seemed pretty scary. I'll not do it then, it's too creepy.
 
Oh F**K! I got goosebumps now.
 
 
 
 
We went to do grocery shopping at Cold Storage. Best supermarket that has almost everything all in one place. Ah Tard was super lovely. The night before we met, I told her what I planned to cook. Apparently, I'm a cooking noob. It's so damn obvious. Being cheeky, I claimed that I was really upset, heartbroken with shattered pieces of my hearts lying on the ground. She knew/thought that I was really sad, and agreed to find recipe without hesitation. Bascially, she was the one who did the grocery shopping. Fabulous BFF of mine huh ~ ♥
 
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#The recipe
 
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#Searching for beef stock
 
We were blinded by the great variety of chicken stock. There were so many chicken stocks all over the rack making it so difficult to find the beef one. Well, in fact, there's only 1 type of beef stock, pathetically hiding at a corner. We almost thought of using chicken stock as replacement.
 
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#Ingredients
 
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#My first attempt to peel potato
 
Ah Tard was so afraid that I might cut my hand. But well, I got to say that she's a good mentor though. She taught me the right way to hold the peeler. Frankly speaking, I hate peeling potato. The skin just flew everywhere as I peeled. I still had to take the initiative to pick them up pieces by pieces even though I was given a plastic bag.
 
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#Yann and I
 
Then I was taught to slice carrots. Peeling of carrot was an easy task for me to handle. It's only the cutting part that killed me instantly. I had difficulty chopping it apart and I guessed I did the wrong way. Unfortunately, Ah Tard just went along with my way and she videoed the entire process of my fight with carrot. It was hillarious. I even posted the video on my FB. I can't help laughing at my retarded way of cutting the carrot. I guess I'm hopeless.
 
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#Dicing done
 
I was cutting onion and my eyes were welled up with tears. I tried to close my eyes as I cut, at the same time, worrying that I might cut my fingers. I ended up opening and closing my eyes continuously. It pained my eyes. It was then I could no longer take it.
 
 
 
 
 
Guess what I did?
 
 I dropped the knife on the cutting board, hid a a corner beside the basin and started crying out loud.
 
 
 
 
 
The kitchen was then filled with endless laughters.
 
I felt so embarassed, being defeated by onions and crying out loud because I lost to it. HAHAHA ~
 
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#Time to mash
 
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#Pretending to be hardworking
 
She gave me the bigger plate of potato while she mashed a smaller bowl. How unfair was that! She's seriously eating snake. Tsk tsk.
 
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#Filled the tray with mince chicken
 
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#Spread potato
 
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#Baking time
 
True it was a really tiny oven. I was fascinated when we managed to squeeze 2 tray of sherpherd's pie into it. It was packed like sardines. I was so afraid that we might not be able to close the oven door. Thank god, we made it.
 
We proceeded with Mac and Cheese.
 
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#Melting of butter
 
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#Saltiest Macaroni
 
I knew we had to add salt when comes to boiling of macaroni. It's not entirely my fault. Tard was busy clearing some stuffs and I was told to add salt. She never instruct me on the right amount. So I grabbed a tablespoon and scoop 2 big tablespoon of salt into it. I kept mum when Tard say "Just alittle will do" when I had already dumped 2 big table spoon.
 
I was reluctant to try the macaroni because I knew I added too much salt. I gave it to her to try when it's all done. She ended up drinking alot of water. Well, at least I bother to wash it in ice-cold water. Smirk grin ~
 
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#Sherpherd's Pie
 
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#Mac & Cheese
 
It looked really nice, but it tasted like shit actually. And we did something really nasty. Well, it wasn't my idea. It's all hers but it seirously made my day. We tried a few pieces and poured the entire plate into a new tray. Ah Tard decided to save it for her brother, oops. It seriously cannot make it.
 
We ended up digging for the pie only. It's so yummy. I shall try that on my own. It's not that hard actually. It seems like I'm a step closer of being a good potential gf. Muahahahaha ~
 
Surprisingly, I washed all the dishes by myself and I did it quite fast except the fact that I like to keep the tap running on. Oops. I'm not environmental friendly huh. Lol.
 
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#Successful attempt
 
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#Ingredients for dinner
 
I was suggesting to Ah Tard that I wanna cook fried rice for her whole family. She looked speechless, but she didn't want to disappoint me. I always know that it scares people alot when I said I want to cook. Still, it seemed so hillarious to me when they were scared and they pretended that they were not. Moreover, I told Tard that I wanna make a fruity fried rice.
 
The moment I told her that I wanna add apple and pears, she looked pretty stunned. I pretended to assure her that I did it before (Well, I lied to her because I thought it was really fun). Just then, her dad came home with a pineapple. Apparently, her father bought it for praying purposes. Tard voiced out her interest for the pineapple. Her dad decided to let us have the pineapple. We felt as if we just stolen a pineapple from the holy ones. It's so sinful.
 
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#Pineapple from the holy ones
 
I sincerely apologised for stealing the pineapple. It was unintentionally and I made it crystal clear. LOL ~
 
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#Cutting
 
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#Ingredients
 
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#Frying
 
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#Fruity Pineapple Fried Rice
 
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#My first successful attempt without help
 
The fried rice turned out really delicious. Seems like lady luck was shining on me probably because she thought I was emo too. I'm so honoured to be loved.
 
 
 
 
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Dear Ah Tard,
 
We had been friends for years, I may not know you as long as ten over years, but our friendship is as strong as steel. Fuck no! Stronger than Titanium. We can never be apart. Even though you are younger than me, you took good care of me (kind of weird) and made me felt like a younger sister. Probably because I'm overly hyperactive, childish and still playful. Over the years, we had been through ups and downs. We walked through our life bravely with the support of one another. We had never once given up on each other no matter what happened.
 
I'm glad to have you as my friend. You always showered me with candies and chocolates. You never forget about me. This time round, I was really down. I'm sure you knew that it was my worst moment ever. I'm glad that you tried your best to stich every inch of my cut. It's a really deep cut and I doubt it can be stitched up beautifully as before. But I'm glad you are here with me. That's the best consolation.
 
I know you tried hard not to mention my pain and I'm really grateful for that. You tried to accede to my ridiculous request even if I suggested playing Resident Evil. I know you are trying your best to pull me through this. You spend your precious weekends for me. Your tolerance level increased for me and I appreciated that. Thanks for standing by me. I'm grateful for everything you had done. I will recover, I'm sure I will. I'm not an easily intimidated person when I encountered setbacks.
 
Courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it, conquering that fear.
I'll smile in trouble and gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.
 
Care, concern, love are not meant to be said. They are meant to be felt.
 
With loves,
Pzy

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