Mentally worned out

I lie awake at night, trying to see things in black and white. You got it, it's part of the lyrics from a song actually. Indeed, I stacked my pillow high up and thought over some stuffs. My heart feels calm. Calm is not the right word. It's just way too peaceful to be described. My heart feels as cold as ice. I felt like a walking corpse lately. I smile, I laugh, but things were no longer the same anymore. The warmth faded no matter how hard I try to keep the heat going. Fortunately, I have beautiful friends to keep my life going. Without them, I would have been petrified.

 

I was clueless about what I should do. I had no feelings towards anything. I used to feel happy and exhilarated when I knew I would be having a shopping spree. I used to get excited, bugging my friends on the phone when I knew that we were travelling. I used to look forward to simple dinner and ice-cream treats.

 

 

 

 

I used to... but no longer anymore...

 

 

 

 

The glow of light in my life becomes dimmer and no one lead me out of darkness. I was engulfed by complete darkness yet I was fearless. I had no intention to fight against it or walk out of my shadows. I still have faith, I still believe. I lost confident in my judgement. The judgement I thought to be right turned out vice versa. My heart can take it no more, yet, I fear nothing of it.

 

 

 

 

I felt as though I was moving on day by day without a soul. No aim, no goal.

 

I believe it pays to be kind. But how true it is? I had no idea.

 

 

 

 

I was brutally and viciously hurt. I just feel like doing nothing at all. I doubt I can suffer another setback anymore. My heart will probably die if it ever happens. I'm mentally worned out.