Love ya

To my lovely ladies and friends,

I know you guys read my recent posts. I'm really touched that all of you care for me. I appreciate your effort. Love ya ~

With loves,
Pzy

Good intentions

I've seen a lot things in life that words can't explain
See we ain't any different but we just ain't the same
They never listen when we tell 'em, tell 'em
All they understand is venom, venom
People only use you when you let 'em, let 'em
Well if that's the case then I'm the one to blame

Coz there's a man over board
And the tides gonna drag him down
If there's a man in the clouds
Then tell me where the hell is he now
Why is the silence so loud
Have I thrown it all the way
Lemme know, Lemme know
Tell me is that what happens just for having a good intention, tension ohh ohh
Look what happened to my Good Intention, tension ohh ohh
Why won't anybody answer my question
Why is the silence so loud
I think I threw it all the way
I don't know, I don't know
But lemme know
Hear me out before you label me the bad one

Ahhhhhhahhhhhhhh

I'm walking through the desert but I'm drowning inside
No river runs deeper than the tear from my eye
You only went and made me bitter, bitter
I wish I wasn't such a giver, giver
Apologise to my liver, liver
Coz if that's the case then your the one to blame

Coz there's a man over board (cause there's a man overboard)
And the tides gonna drag him down (heyy)
If there's a man in the clouds (wooah woahh)
Then tell me where the hell is he now (yeah)
Why is the silence so loud (tell me why is it so loud)
Have I thrown it all the way (yeaah)
Lemme know, Lemme know
Tell me is that what happens just for having a good intention, tension ohh ohh
Look what happened to my Good Intention, tension ohh ohh
Why won't anybody answer my question
Why is the silence so loud
I think I threw it all the way
I don't know, I don't know
But lemme know
Hear me out before you label me the bad one

Am I wrong to think the worlds got it in for me
And am I right to say I'm longing for some sympathy
See I feel a sound, but I can't hear it
That's my heart strings getting played like a symphony
Yo, you know you turned me insane
Why you staring at window when I'm the one with the pain
You know you set me off the rails
And you'll be to blame
If you're ever hear
I jumped in front of the train with both f***ed in the braaaiin
(Woah woahh)

Coz there's a man over board
And the tides gonna drag him down
If there's a man in the clouds
Then tell me where the hell is he now
Why is the silence so loud
Have I thrown it all the way
Lemme know, Lemme know
Tell me is that what happens just for having a good intention, tension ohh ohh
Look what happened to my Good Intention, tension ohh ohh
Why won't anybody answer my question
Why is the silence so loud (tell me why is it so loud)
I think I threw it all the way
I don't know, I don't know
But lemme know
Hear me out before you label me the bad one

A nightmare

I have been writing letters every single night before I sleep. Everyone is wondering why do I have so much to write to motivate him. In fact, I don't. I wrote nothing about encouragement. Nothing at all. People might misunderstood me for writing about my personal stuffs. In fact, I just want to keep him update about what's going on outside while he was in the ward. I like to be funny or maybe I'm funny most of the time, but this time round, I'm not trying to be funny. I just wanna show him that he's just like us, the same friend I know. There won't be any changes because life goes on. I know that I was doing the right thing but I hated myself for that. I can't stop thinking about putting myself in his shoes wondering if I'm able to accept the cruel reality. I know I can't. I'll never be able to. Here, being a bitch and my selfishness of not losing a friend, I want him to move on. I was absolutely disgusted by myself. I'm such a hypocrite.

 

Nevertheless, he smiled when he saw me. He held my head close to him and pat me gently on my back. I felt the piercing pain in my heart. He pretended that he was strong before me. I used to joke with him and execute evil little pranks on him. He was lying in his bed pressing the call bell, disturbing the nurses to cheer me up. He pressed again and again. The nurse entered and he gestured that I was the one who played with bell. I knew, I knew that he was trying to play a prank on me to show that he was fine. I pretended to be cheerful and angry with him for playing pranks on me, calling him a naughty and disobedient. But deep down, I was bleeding. My heart was bleeding badly. I felt helpless and useless for I should be the one trying to cheer him up.

 

I can't help looking at my past conversation with him in the facebook. He used to tell me how thoughtful and impressive I was in his eyes yet I randomly scanned through only. Then I realised how much he cared for me. I really missed the days he texted me every morning, writing nonsense on my wall and playing pranks on me.

 

I just can't get over with this.

 

I wished and wish that it was just a nightmare.

Back in time

I visited him this evening. His eyes were closed, resting peacefully by himself when he suddenly opened his eye. That was the ever first time I felt relief at heart as I watched him gesturing for us to enter his ward. My heart sank and I pretended to be really cheerful like I always did before him. I plastered a big smile across my face and read letters to him upon his request. He was badly wounded and yet he reached out his hand to hug me. I read the letters as I held on to my tears. Then I realised I just couldn't do it anymore. I broke down and his heart sank. His eyes welled up with tears as he pat my head and touched my chin gently. For a moment, I really hated myself for not being able to share his burden. I felt useless writing him a letter a day. There is nothing much I can do for him.

I wish that time could turn back before the fateful day. I will not prank and bully him. I will read all his text messages promptly and spend quality time with him. I will never do funny faces at him and I will never lecture him. I really missed the days we had together.

Despite defamed badly by media with made up tales, suffering from external and internal stress, I knew it was all worth it. I made no clarification even though it wasn't the truth. I just want to protect my dear friend. Minimising the damage by keeping quiet is the only thing I can do for him. It's worthwhile.

His physical and mental health are my greatest concern. Friend, keep fighting please.

The spinning wheel

Then, I realised I should never had medication before party. Panadol and cough syrup with alcohol drove me crazy and made my head spinned. Badly traumatized at the moment. I wished not to recap any bits and pieces from the night. See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil. Let the bygones be bygones.

Timeless moment

23th November 2012

When the ground starts to shake, each time as I wake.

 

I met Yann early in the morning at Woodland Interchange. As usual, I was late. I was caught up with some envelope issues. Anyway, let's not let the unhappiness ruin my happy post. Our destination was Sanrio Puroland. Ah, I seriously dislike Hello Kitty because it's forever in pink. But well, I think I can accept Daniel because it's in blue. There's no public transport to Kitty Land at the moment. We took Bus L1 from Citysquare Terminal to Legoland and board a cab from there.

   

#Yann and I

#Tickets to Kitty Land

 

#Kitty Sofa (Berlin would love this)

 

#Kitty Television

 

#Kitty dustbin

 

Among all the kitty items, I love Kitty dustbin the most. Well, I don't mind buying one for myself so that I get to feel Hello Kitty with rubbish everyday. Berlin got irritated everytime I told her about it.

 

#In apron

 

#Shower accessories

 

#Gigantic Bathtub

 

#"Ornaments"

 

I thought that we were holding the ornaments until Berlin told us that were shampoo containers. Laugh out loud.

 

#Musical Cup

 

We had a whale of a time in the cup. Ah Tard was making a lot of noise as I spinned the cup faster and faster. We were having so much fun that the staff couldn't be bothered to stop our ride. Instead, they extended our ride. Dizzy spells after that.

 

#Painting time

 

#Meow

 

#Kitty biscuit

 

We were then given colourings to paint our little biscuit. The staff was very impatient with Tard and me because we were busy camwhoring without paying attention to the staff. Well, who cares. It's just painting. I see no reason to give us briefings at all. Haha, it's not that difficult to paint afterall.

 

#Noms

 

#With the mascot

 

To be continued...

Please go...

I've tried, I really tried to open up my world to you. Then I realised there was no vacancy for you. You were never on my mind, never in my dreams, never in my heart. I tried to look for the good in you, I just can't find any. I just don't feel the fun, the security and the love with you. Not even a teeny weeny bit of it. The sparks won't fly even if you climb the highest mountain or swim the deepest sea for me. I don't need anyone. I can solve my problems on my own and you just can't see. You don't read me the way he does. The feelings is different. I'm very firm about the the differences. Please keep a distance from me because I won't appreciate you. I don't want and don't wish to. The more you try, the faster I run. I know what's love better than you do. You will never walk into my heart because I shut it down on you. Just you. Please go, I'm not for you. I doubt I'll ever be.

We have no common interest.

We have no common topic.

We have no common language.

We have no common frequency.

I don't laugh at your jokes.

I don't cry when I watch you going down.

I don't feel touched when you do things for me.

I don't appreciate your care and concern.

I don't talk much to you over the phone.

I don't trust you physically and mentally.

I don't enjoy the fun when we go out.

I don't sense the security from you.

I don't miss you at all and not even for a second.

It takes 2 hands to clap and we will never clap. Please stay away from me as much as possible. I can't take another blow like the previous case. I'm not a prize possession. I don't want to be either. It doesn't mean that you should hurt me just because you think that I am popular with many friends to shower me with love. I dislike temporary infatuation because it doesn't last.

Please go...

Seriously...

Seriously, I'm not interested at all. No why, no what, I'm just sorry to say no. Maybe I'm a bitch, maybe I'm unfeeling, maybe I'm being selfish, but I just don't appreciate. I wish to know why too.

By myself

I had been going through a really hard time for a month plus. I thought that I was really hurt in some ways because my trust had been misused or dumped into a trash can. I blamed myself for being gullible and naive. I had never been so hurt in my entire life. That was probably because it's my first time crossing my boundaries putting aside all consideration factors believing things would work out. Then it turned out not to be reciprocal. It hurts, it really hurts.

I doubt I recovered till today. It was then, a catastrophe strucked upon a good friend of mine. I felt lost and lived my day in daze. My tears dried up eventually and I prayed hard every single day that it was just a dream. Nevertheless, I attempted to pinch myself hard. Everything was real.

I faced a terrible setback of my life when a catastrophe hit me without notice. I was badly hurt this time round. Then, I realised this was fatal. I couldn't take another blow any more. I need a breather badly, waiting for the right one to resurrect and save me. Unfortunately, there was none.

I'm all alone by myself.

Behing the screen

I'm feeling really down now. This is probably the worst period of the year I'm going through. 2 months ago, I went through a really tough time and I thought nothing could be worse than that. I was on my recovery mode when the catastrophe strucked me. It was the major incident ever. I wished I was dreaming. I slapped and pinched myself wishing that I could feel no pain. My heart was in great pain. I was scared and frightened. I shivered in fear from time to time. I'm feeling lost. I told myself to fight this like a cool bitch, I did it on the surface. I cried like a child when the curtain's finally closing. I know I'm going crazy.

Lost at the edge

I could not hold and control my tears. This is too painful and I really hope that it was just a nightmare. Someone pls wake me up before I die of crying. My heart sank to the bottom of the ocean and I know I can't handle this for I'm a timid girl with a coward that lives within.

Loss of words

I'm at the loss of words now. I fear of losing a friend who's at the brink of life and death. I fear, but it pays to be kind. He will survive this ordeal because he's a fearless knight in shining armour.

My mind is emptied, then I realised I have nothing to depend on.

I'm such a jerk ~

Fun and love

2nd November 2012

Touch the sorrows and wounds with compassion

 

I love Friday because I can sleep all day, and party all night. Oh well, I'm just kidding. I don't party every Friday's night, probably just once a month only. I do enjoy at parties but it's not really healthy to party often, damaging your liver with alcohol. Futhermore, I have windpipe problem that comes with slight asthma in a full package. Wow, it was like a complimentary package, coming with full force. I had dinner with Ah Tard and Sop at Waraku that night. Sop joined us slightly later than expected because she probably had difficulty walking in her 9 inches heels.

 

9 inches sounded scary to me. I doubt I can ever walk in it. Even if I can, I'll probably end up somewhere on in the drain or on the ground. That's gonna make me look pathetic. Heels is not really for me. I prefer loafer for it's casual matching look and the comfort. I love to buy quality loafer because I know it's a pair of shoes that I'll be wearing very often.

 

 

    #Waraku

#Kimchi Soup Ramen
 

#Miso Soup Ramen
 

#Ebi Tempura
 

#Ah Tard, Me, Sop

Omg, I felt inferior to be between them. Their eyes were really huge because of the contact lens. The contrast was really obvious, making my eyes looked so small. Aww, I sounded sad. I guess I should really invest on that. I wanted to, but my body wasn't doing it physically. Well, talk is cheap. I doubt I'll ever be wearing it because I'm really lazy. I'm vain but lazy.

 

#Sop, Me, Ah Tard
 

#Sop and Me
 

#Ah Tard, Sop, Me
 

#Grey Goose Vodka
 

#Des, Mw, Me
 

#With Howard's friends
 

#Tard, Jas, Me, Mw, Carl

#Random
 

#Jav, Mw, Me
 

#Random
 

#Mw, Me, Tard, Ivy, Jy
 

#Messy Hair

I was browsing through the photo when I realised how messy my hair was. Mw's one was worse, she had strands of hair covering her face. Well, I guess, we should bring a comb with us when we party again the next time to protect our good and nice image.

 

#Me and Tard

The cap and geek spec belonged to Mw. Somehow, somewhat, it just got on to us. I could not remember what happened that night. Well, it must be bad then. I was shocked to see her belongings on us.

 

#Happy Party
 

#On the podium
 

#Random

We were sort of drunk after the party ended. I could not remember details of happening. Mw video-ed what we did by the riverside. We were shouting, singing and dancing Oppa Gangnam Style. It was ridiculous and I was the one who lead and forced everyone into doing dumb things with me. It was really an awesome night with fun friends and fun loving people. Most importantly, my besties were by my side. They healed my wound with a midas touch.

 

I'm happy and glad to have them stand by me. They just let me have my way, scream and cry, so be it, when I need to. It's great to have a friend who stand by you when you are in need of help. But it was AWESOME to have friends who did silly stunts with you when they know that you are being silly. That's what I call FUN and LOVE.

With loves,
Pzy

Beautiful in White

Clueless

Sometimes its better to be clueless about what's around you, than to know every bit of information that would silently kill you.

The little sneak

11th November 2012

Our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late, tapping on your window.

 

It was another day out for my girls. Wanlin booked a room for karaoke session in the afternoon. Somehow, somewhat, we seemed to have problems lying with punctuality. No one was ever punctual, We ended up an hour late, still, buying KFC at Clementi Mall. Then we took a cab to NTU Alumni. That cab driver was ridiculous, he drove us to NTU. Wanlin was pissed off, guiding him the right way to our destination. GPS navigator was implemented on his vehicle and he just refused to make good use out of it. Eventually, he dropped us in the middle of the road out of no where.

     

#KFC rice set

 

We were late for 2 hrs and there's no point for us to rush over anymore when we were only left with 1hr of karaoke session. Hy and Mw had already started singing without us.We found a spot, sat on a bench and had our lunch together. We were having a picnic actually. Hy and Mw went ahead with their singing session while sending me weird photos of PSY. 

#Me and Wanlin

 

After our lunch, we headed to Plaza Singapura to play arcade. It was then Javen joined us.

 

#Arcade

 

Everyone was infatuated with the dance machine.

 

#Huiyee and Me

 

Huiyee went off earlier as she had something on. We went for Starbucks @ The Cathay, slacked for a while before meeting Ss and Xx at PS. We had a scrumptious dinner that night.

 

#Our dinner

 

#Family shot

 

#Singing Bday Song

 

It was a birthday celebration for me and Lq. Min Wee took out our birthday gift out of the blue and started singing a birthday song. It was a pretty surprise though. They bought me a watch from Fossil Fuels. Awww, so sweet. They got the right brand for me.

 

#With my new watch

 

#Lq and her vouchers

 

They bought Lq vouchers for her birthday.

 

#Ss, me, Mw, Yb

 

Hey babes, thank you for the sweet celebration. I knew that everyone was busy with work and studies. I was really grate and appreciated your thoughts and efforts. Love you girls, big time.

 

Cheers,

Pzy

Prawn and fun

3rd November 2012

Come for the food and stay for the fun.

 

As usual, I was at the brink of death. I was ultimately tired and my body battery nearly went flat completely. I went to Sentosa with Berlin early in the morning. I managed to reach home around late afternoon and took a short nap to replenish my energy. It wasn't sufficient because I woke up in the mid of my nap to make replies and arrangement at the restaurant as we had too many people.

 

I was supposed to meet Meiwen and Jacky at Meiwen's place. My brother was really nice, he drove to my place to pick me up instead. Thank god, I managed to catch some sleep while I was in his car. He picked up Laiyan and Sophia from Far East Plaza. Meiwen, my full time tour guide, brought the others to SPRUCE on a bus. Eugene and Andrew were ridiculous, they reached the restaurant earlier by more than an hour.

 

#Meatballs

#Burger

 

#Mac & Cheese

 

#Steak

 

We had a great variety of food but we had too many people that day and the table was really long. We had a total of 15 people if I remember. Poor Carl, he was selected to sit right in the middle. The seating arrangement was similar to a scene in the movie Harry Potter. Carl was Professor Dumbledore.

 

#Wanlin, Me and Mar

 

#My bro, me and Minwee

#Jason, Me, Mw, Rayson

 

#Yahui, Mw and Mw

#Howard, Mw, Me, Andrew

 

#Wang wang, me and Mw

 

Wang wang was the best. He honoured his promise and bought me Royce Chocolates for my birthday. He's awesome and I seriously respect these people.

 

#Group photo

 

Then, we made our way to Bishan for prawning. It was then Jacky's car displayed symtoms of death. Fortunately, he managed to solve the problem. Most of the time, I travelled in his car. But the passengers in his car ended up the last to reach compared to those who were taking public transport.

 

#Huiyee and Me

 

#Jason, Huiyee, Min Wee, Wanlin and Me

 

#Jacky, Mw, Me and Mars

 

#Wang wang, me, Mw, Andrew and Yahui

 

#Edwin, Mw, Mw, How

 

#With the prawns

 

#With the brothers

#Yann and Me

 

We even went to Kbox after our prawning session and we stayed up all the way until the morning before we headed home. Nice weekend after all. I hadn't been updating much and my journals are piling up. I did a simple count, I have 16 outing posts to be done. My brain is at the verge of dying. Well, I'll just slowly post them one by one. Have a nice day.

 

With loves,

Pzy