Injection of priceless smile

A song by P!nk, Fuck'in Perfect

 

Made a wrong turn, once or twice. Dug my way out, blood and fire.

Bad decisions, that’s alright. Welcome to my silly life.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss, no way it’s all good, it didn’t slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing

Underestimated, look I’m still around

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel

Like you’re less than, fuck’in perfect

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel

Like you’re nothing, fuck’in perfect

 

I like this song for it's meaning behind. It means alot to me especially during my darkest moment. It makes my vision clearer and gives me ability to see and understand. There are times we can't see clearly with naked eyes. But you can see it with your heart. No one is perfect in this world. You can only see the imperfect, perfect. Perfections never exist, it will never be. We might be just humans, but never underestimate the power of love.

The power of love acts as a form of support. Love is a sensitive word to certain people. You may see it as a word for only the special one. For me, I see it in a different way. Love includes relationship, kinship, friendship. Love is expressive and you should express your love to people you truly value and care for. You never know what's gonna happen tomorrow. Let's not slip the chance of letting your love be known. It's hard to avoid regrets, but we can reduce regrets.

Everyone has their own difficulty at times, but chances are hard to come by. Once it's gone, it will be gone forever. I'm someone who don't believe in fate. I believe in effort rather than miracle. I'll let the fate decides only when I've utilised my effort to the maximum, still, caught in dilemma. Then fate shall decides everything, if it's fated or destiny.

#Berlin and I

 

I appreciated every single thing my friends had done for me. From the slightest to the major ones. I was overwhelmed, truly overwhelmed. I had no idea what I had done to deserve such nice treatments.

 

 

 

Do I deserve it?

What had I done to deserve these?

 

I must have done a lot of good deeds in my previous life. The nicer they were to me, the more courage I've got to move on. Tears welled up in my eyes each time I thought about their good and effort. I began to do some reflections, wondering if I'm able to care the way they care for me, love the way they love me. I really treasured them as though they were gems. Berlin was the apple of my eye. People always said that friends attached spend no time for friends. Berlin did it the vice versa, that's what makes me proud of her.

 

No matter how busy she is, she strike a good balance in between. When she knew that I was down, she offered a pair of listening ears. True, I need a listening ears. But she took an extra mile. Listening to woes is never a solution to problems. She taught me how to look on a brighter side when there's no solution. She knew that I need not only comfort, but injection of smiles.

 

#Mickey Mouse ear studs from Berlin

 

She injected smiles on my face. She truly made me laugh out loud. It's been quite a while since I laughed heartily. She tried her best not to speak of my pain. She gave me encouragement and good advices. She knew that I'm sensible enough to make judgement and that's why she never overwrite my decision. She's dear to heart and respects my decision in all ways as long as I don't hurt myself. She is being supportive. She knew I love Mickey Mouse even though I claimed that I hate cute stuffs. Mickey Mouse was the only cute stuff that I like. She never forget me even when she was oversea. She bought me nice keypad stickers and cute looking mousepad. She bought me Mickey Mouse ear studs just to cheer me up. She might be straightforward and fierce, but I know she meant well. She's kindhearted and it's really hard to make her angry.

 

Her moments of anger could be drown with water instantly. It's just so great to see her smile. She remembered the slightest things that her friends had done for her.

 

She knew me inside out.

 

Better than I know myself.

 

I'm recovering and I know that I should not disappoint friends who support me sincerely. They are my backbones and I will never trample on their sincerity. I believe that sincerity is a priceless gift. Treasure and value it because it's hard to come by. You can only earn it, but you can never buy it.

Sincerity comes from heart and generates precious love.

I should not waste their love and care for me. I must survive, I will, as I've promised.

 

Whenever my friend(s) is down, I tried my best to cheer them up. You may doubt my sincerity, but you will see my effort over time. I tried to send them morning greetings and good night messages with words of encouragement no matter how cold their reply is going to be. Even if they reply me in short, relectantly. I never bow to their negative reaction and failures. I tried to inject warmth into their hearts, showing them it's a beautiful world. Sharing my optimism with them.

 

I tried my best to be there for them when they were in need of my help. I'll even make my way to their place just to make them feel better, or lend them my big broad shoulder. Even when they shown rejections to life and see things negatively, I'll google for jokes, riddles and even meaningful lyrics just to make their day. I tried to melt the thick ice wall surrounding their heart inches by inches. I'm not afraid of failure, I'm just afraid that they give up on themselves.

 

Honestly, I don't know if these work or not. But I rather give it a shot than to give up without trying. I've got strong determination. At least, I've shown effort. I'll sing and dance stupidly just to see them smile even if it's going to uglified myself and make me look like a stupid fool.

 

There was a moment, I felt really lonely. I started to ponder to myself about what's gonna happen if I'm the one experiencing the darkest moment. I know it's unbelievable that and optimistic person like me will feel lonely. Well, nothing is impossible. I wondered in sadness.

 

 

 

Who's going to care for me?

Who's going to love me?

Who's going to comfort me?

Who's going to make my day?

Who's going to help me up?

 

It's a hidden fear.

 

But a redundant fear.

 

 

These sweeties of mine really brighten me up once again. I really thought that the darkness was going to be there forever. They showed me a rainbow after a rain. They make me learnt that I'm not lonely even when I'm alone. They really worked their way into my heart. They remember what I like and spend precious and quality time with me. I'm feeling alot better.

 

#My first pair of TOMS

 

Berlin is my permanent supervisor in shopping. She never fail to remind me to look at the price tag. She's watching after my wallet, what an awesome friend that helps me to control my spending. My first pairs of TOMS wasn't cheap. She marked her words saying that I'm only allowed to buy only if she buys. I prayed hard that she would buy and she really did.

 

Deep in my heart, I knew that she would allow me to buy even if she didn't. Because she knew that I was devastated, stressed and depressed. She tried to give in to me, letting me with my ways. She just want me to be happy. She put on a wide smile when she saw the big smile on my face after every payment transaction. It's so hard to find a precious friend that cries with you, smiles with you.

 

 

 

I was really grateful that she's my friend.

 

A friend that cares deep down in heart.

 

I know I'm not worthy of the loves given. I will make myself worthy. I'll remember those precious moments, precious memories, precious time, precious effort.

 

#My TOMS



The bubbly me remains,
the souless me was long gone.
The unselfish love overwhelmed sorrowness in me,
the ultimate care and effort reside deep in my heart.
You've never give up on me,
and build me to be who I am.
My smiles were taken away by devil,
but you fought bravely like a loyal soldier.
You brought me warmth,
and plastered smiles across my face.




I know I had won the devil.

You guys build me to be who I am, there will be no me without you all.



Thank you for having faith in me and I'll smile always.

Billions of hugs and kisses to Berlin Chen.

P/S: I'm seriously geting poetic lately. Lol, it's funny because it's so not my style. No harm adapting a new writing methods. I really like my precious online journal.

With loves,
Pzy