Not the one

I AM NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU.

 

Why can't you stop bugging me?

How many times must I tell you that I'm fucking so not into you?

How many billion times must I tell you that my heart has been occupied, filled to the brim?

Why must you keep calling and texting me non-stop?

Can you please kindly know where you stand?

Who the hell are you to interfere my life?

Who the fuck are you to barge into my privacy?

What gives you permission to be jealous when I'm with other guys?

Can you fucking get out of my life?

Why are you being such an irritant?

Can you stop stressing me?

 

 

 

YOU ARE FUCKING GETTING ON MY NERVES.

 

I will not accept you, not even over my dead body. Even if the one I like will never like me, I will never like you. I don't care about how much you understand about me or feel the ways I feel. Call me a bitch, I don't care. I have no space for anyone else. If you keep barging in, it will overflow eventually.

 

 

 

Stop asking why I never fall for you. If you really wanna know...

 

 

 

I have no frequency with you.

- Are you able to catch my jokes?

- Do you understand what I'm saying most of the time?

- Do you laugh with me over funny stories?

- Do you have the same thinking as me?

 

 

 

I have no common interest with you.

- Do you like to sing?

- Can you sing?

- Do you play basketball with me?

- Do you like english comedies like I do?

- Do you like to pillow talk?

- Do you play card games with me?

- Do you sing a song to cheer me up when I cry?

- Will you cook for me?

- Will you give me your extra blanket when I'm cold?

- Do you like to chill over at Starbucks?

- Do you like coffee?

- Do you like pastas and pizzas?

- Do you like to play bowling and watch a horror movies like I do?

- Do you like to slack at home and lie in bed like I do?

- Do you like to play pool and give me the urge to challenge you?

 

 

 

I have no trust in you.

- Do you think you are someone that I trust?

- Do you think I can trust you to teach me roller blading and cycling?

- Do you think I ever dare to sleep beside you?

- Do you think I dare to let you get close to me?

- Do you think I believe the beautiful words you've said?

- Do you think I wish to hold your hands?

 

 

 

Let me tell you this. I will trust that man as long as I like him even if he's telling lies.

 

THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. Stop bringing him down before me because it only increases my hatred for you.

 

 

 

I have no feelings for you.

- I don't feel comfortable when I'm with you.

- I don't trust every single words you say.

- I don't even miss you at all.

- I don't like your ego.



Can you give me happiness?
No, not at all. You can't give me happiness.

4 months ago...

I am smiling at my hp screen when we used to text each other.
I am smiling when he texted me from oveseas.
I am smiling even when I was waiting for his replies.
I am smiling when he called me.

I am looking forward to see him but I am dreadful to see you.

I held on to my phone and waited for his text, checking my phone from time to time. He did not know, but I'm telling you. That's the differences. I don't have the same special feelings for you. Maybe I'm loyal or dumb, faithful or cheap. I don't know, it's your call. It's not within my control. I can't explain.

Yes, you and Ss asked me the same thing...

What if he starts to contact you again?
What if he wants to be with you again?
What if he wishes to try out with you again?

Look, I can't answer for that now. But I'll be there for him if he needs me. Just like the way my good friend sees him as a little brother.

I am probably not good enough for him.

Anyway... he had left me.

 

 

There is NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ME!!!

I don't have a pretty face.

I don't have a great figure.

I don't have a nice character.

 

I'm just an ordinary girl.

 

 

 

Please just be my friend. I don't need you to please me. I am not a princess. I am just an ordinary girl. I am not someone special. I don't wanna be someone special ever again. It hurts alot, it does and I swear. Yes, I'm hurt. I don't need you to heal my wound. You are not the right one to heal my wound. It's a deep wound that will take a very long while to heal. I don't wish to lie to you anymore. I know you are reading this. Like I say, I still remember him. I think of him many times in a day, alot more than you can expect. I am crying in the middle of the night because of him. I never blame him for what he did because I know he was young and he has the right to make his own choices.

 

Stop telling me that there is no harm being in a relationship with younger guys just because you are younger than me. The truth is, I can accept younger bfs because I believe love across the boundaries. Age is just a number to me, it is the mindset that matters.

 

I drifted away from him to make his life easier, so that he can move on with his happy life. I sincerely wish him all the best and I bear no grudges. I willingly did that extra miles just for him. It is fucking hard to forget because I have feelings for him. He did not take me for granted. Even if he did, I am a willing party. There's nothing I can do if he doesn't like me. You have no right to deprive my liking towards him. I am very attached to him mentally and physically. He is the only one I felt chemistry with in my whole damn life. That is the main reason why I can't forget till today.

 

I know you are a nice guy. You had done alot for me. I know that very well. Love can't be force and you should know that crystal clear. I know I'm not a toy to him. I spent quality time with him and I understand him. I may not know him inside out, but I understand how he feels. I can easily list out more than ten things that he likes and dislikes. I knows his habit, interests and worries. I know about his past since the day I know him. Everything was within my expectation but I chose to fall into the trap. Love is reciprocal. It takes 2 hands to clap and nothing will turn out well if we force the other party to clap. That was why I did not salvage. I knew he stopped liking me long ago, I can feel it. I can feel that he is drifting away. I know my best friend was caught in a dilema, feeling guilty wondering if I had been toyed. That was why I talked to him that fateful night outside the club and the final outcome was what I had expected. I wanted to put an end to everything. A clean break even though we were just friends. I don't want him to be caught in a dilema because of my existence some day because I know she does not allow that. That is how much I am willing to do for him.

 

Now, you should see why it is hard for me to forget about him. The feeling is strong. I am trying hard to forget, but I can't. So, can you please give me a break? I can't take it anymore if you continue to love me. You have been cursing him for not treasuring me all the time. All along, I thought I'd be happier because someone is protecting me. Unfortunately, you angered me alot. I don't fucking like the way you criticised about him. This is my business, my privacy. Stay out of it before I start to stay away from you.

 

Everyone has a special someone to care and protect, so do I, so do you. You should not force things your way. Take me as an example, I am not forcing him at all. In fact, I chose to let him go as far as he wants. I am a grown up, I know how to take good care of myself. Stop telling me how much you love me because it's not gonna work. Stop doing much for me, it's not worth it. Save your effort and energy for other girls. There are many nice girls who are worth your love. As for me, I need time. I really need a lot of time. I can't explain why despite the differences in us. I appear to be strong because I don't want to make my friends worry. I am trying to be strong so that I can forget and walk out of it someday.

 

Please, I don't deserve a nice guy like you. Just let me do what I want and let me be even if I wish to rot. Stop messing with my business. I need a break, I really need one. I will feel happy as well if he is happy. I really hope that he is doing fine, living well, studying hard, having fun and blissful with his someone special.

 

Sincerely, truthfully, honestly...

 

 

I'm sorry, I can't love you just because you love me. It takes 2 hands to clap.

 

Most importantly, follow your heart. Look for a quiet moment, close your eyes and think of the happiest memories you had.

 

Where are you?

Who are you with?

What are you doing?

 

You will know who's the special someone eventually.