Phases of life

It's 2a.m. It isn't insomnia. I'm awake blogging via mobile simply because I slept too much in the day. I was lying in the bed thinking about different phases of life. Then I realized I've changed. I changed from time to time.

When I was fifteen, I told myself I wish I'll never be tied down by love.
When I was eighteen, I told myself I wish to be independent and my partner is not gonna complete my life.
When I was twenty-one, I wanted to carve out a new career of my own and marriage can wait.
When I was twenty-three, I wanted to get married after thirty.

Now, I'm on my way to twenty-five. Then again, I thought to myself deeply. I wanted a family. I do have a beautiful and happy family. This time round, it's different. I wanted a family of my own. I want to get married before turning 27. Those are the different phases of my life, how about you?

We are all human beings living on the same planet. We change from time to time. Objectives drift as time goes by. Now, I really wish to settle down.

There are times when I can't see. I can't see things crystal clear. It's all blurry images. I'm unclear of my path ahead. I lost my sense of feelings. I can't differentiate like and love.

You may asked...

Do I like him? (Or) Do I love him?

It's just a thin line in between. People claimed to like, but love developed. People claimed to love, in fact it's just a crush and it's like.

I don't need overwhelming loves. I don't need plenty suitors. I don't need a perfect guy. I only need one right guy in my life. That is how I look at it, at least.

There can only be a choice. I don't need options because I am not perfect enough to choose. No one is perfect in this world. It's the imperfections that makes the perfect.

I am imperfect. I never wish to be perfect. I just want to be the apple of the eye, of my right one. It's enough.

But y'know...

It's hard to know when your right one appears before you. You either capture the right moment or miss the chance with him at the moment.

At this point of time, I know that I'm totally lost. I don't know what I want. After all, I'm less sensitive towards mutual feelings. Think about this, I only have 2 relationships in my entire life. The first one lasted for 3 yrs while the second one lasted for 10 yrs. It wasn't easy for me. I moved on but there's something holding me down. I dare not try and step forward. I'm afraid of the hidden risk behind. I'm turning 25, how many more years have I got to spurge. I don't, I really don't have the criteria to splurge.

It's all my plain thoughts. I am not being emotional, I am just sharing my thoughts.