7 years

Everyone makes major decision. There's always a point of time when you start asking yourself if you should go ahead or abort the plan. I'm pretty sure you've been caught in such dimension. So do I, I'm a normal human being afterall.

 

I had a past relationship that lasted for 7 years. Everyone thought that he's "The One" because of the time we had together. I knew I never really talk about this since the last breakup. I had this urge to blog about this out of the blue. I know I'm always being random.

 

 

 

 

People tend to ask me...

 

"Hey, it's 7 years. Don't you ever regret?"

 

 

 

 

Well, it's 7 years. True, it sounded really long. The truth is, I don't regret. I swear I don't. I broke up with him not because I stopped loving him. I stopped loving him eventually at the final stage. There were underlying reasons that spark off my decision to the breakup. A boy-girl-relationship is like a chain curse. It affects kinship and friendship indirectly.

 

 

Scenario 1...

A love without family support has it own barrier to cross over. It probably depends on how you manage the existing problems, and your priorities. In my point of view, it can never work without family support. I know successful cases exist, but how high are the chances. My ex's parents aren't supportive about our relationship. I am not badmouthing about them, I am relating this in a neutral status. I had conflicts with my ex's brother's girlfriend. It's complicated indeed. I'm not going to talk about the conflict details because I long forgotten and it's redundant to talk about it. My ex was caught in a difficult position when incidents happened repeatedly. I knew that time was hard for him and I tried to be understanding. Unfortunately, he never stood up for me. I did expect him to put his trust in me. My heart was barely pumping blood to my brain when he suspected my words. His gestures and words are crystal clear. My heart sank under physical and mentally torment. The conflicts acted like a prick in everyone's heart, his family and him definitely. None of them admitted the existence of prick. It was damn tiring to put up a show pretending to like one another, living in harmony. The show lasted for 5 years eventually. Trust me, I've been through it and the feelings sucks to the core.

 

 

Scenario 2...

My ex doesn't love me enough or his love for me faded as time went by. We were probably leading one another on because we thought that it was kind of wasted to ruin a long relationship. I wasn't sure about him, but I'll only share my point of view. It can be wrong, it can be right. Despite the 7 years relationship, I realised I barely know him. I wanted to mingle with his circle of friends, life badly. There was an unbreakable ice door before me forever. I tried for 2 yrs and I gave up eventually. He was reluctant to tag me along when he was out with friends. Even if he did, he refrain me from being myself. He advised me to talk less or behave myself better. I was really sad and he didn't realise about it. I felt as if I embarassed him before his friend or he was shameful about having a loud girlfriend like me. It was hurtful in a way. Since then, I turned him down even when his friends asked me to join their gatherings. I was really sick of being caught in a uncomfortable situation where I had to keep my cool, being soft and pretending to be someone so-not-me. I thought that I should keep my distance so that I would not embarass him any further.

 

 

Scenario 3...

He didn't say, but his words of needles are crystal clear. He used to criticize about my appearance. Let me explain this, he wasn't saying that I'm ugly, but probably not the kind of girl he thought to be pretty. Well, I gotta admit and say this. True, I am not pretty and I never think that I am. He told me to wear dresses, skirts or put on makeup. Most guys wanted a pretty girlfriend. I knew I wasn't the kind of girl he needed. It was sort of demorlising. The damages was viral. The truth is, I am vain. I put on makeup whenever I'm out to town with my gfs. I love dressing up making myself look better. I wear watches and accessories. I match my clothes with shoes and bags. Things turned sour. I stopped dressing up before him, and just him. I was badly affected subconsciously. I dressed really casual even when I'm out at town with him. I skipped the makeup process totally. I can't be bothered by it anymore. His face sulked and the more I heck care about it. Still, I doll up myself before my friends, even until now.

 

 

Scenario 4...

I probably wish not to smear him, but I am sharing about this in a neutral position. I learnt a valuable lesson in this particular relationship.

 

 

 

Never try to mend a relationship with broken trust.

 

 

 

I trusted my ex all along. In fact, he cheated on me. "Cheat" is a powerful word but I can't find any better term. He clubbed, so do I. Unfortunately, he crossed the fire line. I never exposed him openly but I dropped him hints that I had learnt about everything. I never check my ex's handphone for the past 7 years. I wanted to respect his privacy and I trusted him completely. Then one day, I was holding on to his handphone while he was in the gents. A notification with sensitive messages appeared across the screen. I shall not disclose because I believe you should know what I mean by now. Even so, I never talk to him about it. Maybe I'm dumb or you can probably think that I've got high level of tolerance. Well, I encountered the messages for several time before I talked to him about it. One day, a close gf of mine told me that he was tagged in a photo cuddling another girl. It was somehow within my expectation. It was probably the 3rd or 4th cases and I know my trust for him had fallen into the deepest pit. I know it's long gone and there's no longer love.

 

 

Scenario 5...

I turned really cold to him. I lived in my own world, having fun with my friends. I stopped contacting him and wanted to let everything fade away. He probably hadn't realised his mistakes at then and thought that I had neglected him. He did try to salvage the relationship. He tried to seek my attention in Facebook. He would comment and write in my status from time to time. He called me and I ended the call abruptly or ignored it entirely. I stopped replying his messages. My heart was absolutely cold towards him at then. We broke up eventually.

 

 

Summary...

Maybe you might think that it's a pity to give up a 7 years relationship. Let me tell you this, it's even more painful to drag on. I had been with him since my first year in polytechnic. I've been it through with him from polytechnic to National Service to University. Maybe I am not the prettiest or slimest girl in the world. Maybe I am not the best girl with awesome character and attitude. Maybe I am not the nicest girl who cooked and washed for him. All I can say is, I had fulfil my responsibilities as a girlfriend.

 

 

 

We are not suitable for each other.

 

 

 

Sounds like-a-sad? Haha, maybe you'd feel sad after reading it. I am not feeling sad about it. I am proud of myself for making such a big decision. I did wonder if I'll ever regret this. Then I realise there's no such thing called regret. We are grown-ups and we just have to be responsible with our decisions. There's no big deal even if you make a mistake. Just suck it up and fix it right.

 

I am really happy after the breakup. I have more time for friends and I can do the things I want to. I see myself better than before. In fact, I just want to play. Okay, I'm probably still playful at my age which is pretty abnormal. I just wanna enjoy myself for the time being. I am single for almost a year and I don't feel sad about it. I strongly believe that I'll find my right one someday.

 

I just need someone who loves me for who I am and that would be sufficient.

 

 

 

Remember...

 

It's not about the time, but the love and trust.

 

 

 

Don't cry over spilt milk. You can cry out heartily and unleash but dry your tears and move on after you've cried. If I can do it, I'm sure you can do it better than me.

Best wishes to all the girls in the world. Don't give up over failures, work doubly hard to see a better future. There's no forever failures as long as you keep trying. You will find the right one eventually. Don't ever feel ugly because no one is ugly as long as you have a beautiful heart and soul. Treasure what you have and you will make it right.

 

With loves,

Pzy