Periodically

There are so many things I want to do, but they seems faraway from me.

 

I just wanna...

 

Have an early brunch at Tim Ho Wan.

Have an early breakfast at Hatched.

Have someone who knows me best to talk to.

Have a great chill out session with friends.

Have a best friend to joke and play with so that I don't have to keep quiet to myself.

Go on a nice shopping spree to buy my bathroom slippers and shoes.

Go on a nice wifi-less (Yes, I'm beginning to detest wifi lately like fark) holiday.

Go party (Yes, yes, it's a must because I haven't been partying for looong.)

Go to the new shopping mall JEM.

Catch a movie at GV Gold Class.

Watch a movie that I've been longing for (I never get to watch something that I wanted.)

Visit SEA Aquarium.

Enjoy a nice steamboat session.

Stock up on my necessities.

Tuck myself into my bed and sleep as much as I want to.

Eat without the need to gorge myself when I'm full.

Shop as slow as I want to.

 

Right now, I'm feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I always thought that connections work when you bare your heart and share about how you feel. It's mad tiring to do guess and check like Mathematics. You won't feel good when you realised someone feeling no good simply appear to be normal in front of you with your sixth sense telling you that he/she has opinions about you. Dragging on without saying is just a temporary cure but not a permanent cure. As time goes by, the real issues have to be review still. It become an add-on side dish to the real problem eventually. Things won't work out in such a way in long run. It doesn't make you a saint by keeping mum either.

 

And yes, I'm feeling sad. My mood was changing periodically. For a moment, I was feeling happy and exhilarated before a random hiccup came into the picture. Definitely, it doesn't mark the end of the day. Think about it, it was meant to be a lovely day and now there's a superficial wound. It seriously dampened the mood. It wasn't just about a day or so but consecutively 3, 4 or maybe 5 days. It's pretty depressing when your mood runs like a rollercoaster and yeah, I don't like that.

 

Yes, my job seems pretty slack. True enough, I don't deny it. Still, I have my own pressure and considerations. My rollercoaster ride made things worse and I feel as though I'm doing things against my nature. I'm a girl after all and I don't feel good of being lectured or scolded. Yep, scolded when I'm crying away simply make my sky turn greyish; or an extend of black. I need attention but I'm showered with attention profusely when I don't need it. Well, there's none given when I need them. It's contradicting and I don't know how to elaborate myself either. It feels like a mum showering her baby with tons of love when she's in a great mood but chuck her baby at the cot allowing her to whine and cry when the mum's mood farked. It sounded awfully wrong to use such a metaphor. Unfortunately I can't think of any. I'm in a super "no-no-no good mood lately". FML, IFY (Fuck my life, I'll fuck yours) That's how bad it is.

 

Farking-serious-heavy-damn-mood-swing-NOW!

 

 

 

Life

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”  

 

― Marilyn Monroe

Networking

Maybe no one's at fault in the first place. We probably had different interpretations and perspectives that differs a world apart. We don't require things in common to make perfect but differences do break us apart. Every ship has their own language and you damage that communication network. The ship may not sink, but the crew has no confidence of running the big machine on sea.

Everything I had done was fruitless. I felt so unappreciated even though you denied. I judged from the tone and volume you spoke to me. Shouting at me when I'm crying, finding fault in my words when I explained myself. No one ever did that to me before. It was extremely hurtful and has an heavy impact on me.

Breaking promise with a reason. Isn't it still a fact that you broke promise?

Being late with a reason. Isn't it still a fact that you are late?

Forgetting with a reason. Isn't it still a fact that you fail to remember?

Unfortunately, saying sorry at the beginning and end is never the same. The reason behind it will never be the same at least. It won't be the same again because we have no common network unless it can be fix. Well, the truth is, we can never fix a problem with ego and pride.

I don't wish to think about this anymore. I won't argue and reason anymore. Everything I've said will never be right. I see no valid reason restricting myself. I'll just live my life the way I want it to be.

Fear of misfortune

I'm so freaked out right now. Yes, I mean now. Yep, like "NOW" and I bet you ain't reading weird stuffs I'm typing. I just had a date with Tard and we watched a really HORROR movie. Partly, credit to my darling, Teng for her good recommendation. We intended to watch it together initially but she was busy occupied with kids and shop. I was the one who suggested to watch this movie. We were puzzled upon realising it was categorized under R21. We thought it was probably gory. Apparently, I hadn't collected my IC and she forgotten to bring her IC. It was all fated when the staff stopped us from buying the tickets without identification cards. Hence, we decided to go against the rules. We tried to book via hp app. Yes, damn, the apps stopped us from booking. We booked through AXS machine in the end. We smuggled into the theatre when there was crowd so that they wouldn't check our identification card upon entry when kept busy.

 

Great. We made it. It was one of the most horrifying film I had ever watched. I looked really brave and iron teeth but I'm as timid as a mouse internally. My both palms were badly stuck to my face from the beginning till the end of the movie and I guaranteed I looked awfully stupid. I was so frightened that I dared not scratch my leg when I itched or took a sip from my cup when I was thirsty. My heart throbbed like gallop of horses throughout the entire show. My leg was wobbly like jelly when the movie ended. I was laughing away when Tard was frightened by the toilet flush. Then I jumped in fright when the flush came on. Awkward moment and my heart sank.

 

I was seriously afraid to go home alone. I texted bf and he slept like log. He did call back after a while but I wasn't comforted at all. He probably thought that I'm acting scared or pretending to be scared to seek attention despite the fact that I was really-really-really scared. He just hung up and went to sleep like nobody business. Great, speechless. What can I say??? TELL ME!!! -_-'''

I wished someone could send me home too. I kept having flashback from the movie. I once watched a movie named "Shinjuku's Incident" by Jacky Chan. It wasn't a horror film and yet I had nightmares for 3 days in a row. I did scroll my hp's contact for a little hoping to find someone friendly to send me home then I thought it wasn't a good idea. Obviously, I hinted my bf too and he just couldn't be bothered or maybe he played deaf. Hopeless, pointless, speechless, I decided to suck it up and make my way home by myself.

Bf sure gonna roll eyes upon reading this. He probably define this post as "shit". He always give a "lame" look or sarcasm with regards to my FB status or blog. Yea... yea... yea... I'm faking it, pretending to be scared, attention seeking, or using it as a platform to give you trouble. Sleep is good for health and you should sleep. The more you sleep the better it is. My fear can never beat the beauty sleep you need -_-'''

 

I was scared, terrified and then probably a little upset by bf's care less (It means don't care) response. I turned quiet and I was mentally tortured because there was no one in my cabin when I reached Yew Tee's station. There was no one in the next cabin on my left and right. Faint. I did not wish to text my bf at all because he simply don't care, leaving me on my own and went to sleep. Oh well, he hasn't even texted me and checked if I reached home safely till now (And it's 2.04am). See see! Speechless max. Great, I shall save the trouble of reporting in future.

 

Then I alighted at Choa Chu Kang's station finally. LRT's services is still available, thank god. I thought the worst was over but I was wrong. I met a weirdo. I meant no offence with my term, I just couldn't find a better term to describe him. He was sitting opposite me and he kept smiling to me. Then he took out his hp and began to snap photos of me. Holy shit, I was stunned by his action and I kept picturing myself rolling my eyes in head with a DUH face. Thoughts ran through my mind like flipping story book pages.

 

Duh, wtf is is doing?

Duh, why is he taking my pictures of me?

Duh, is he a pervert?

Omg, it's fucking late and what is he up to?

Omg, have I met a pervert?

Omg, who's gonna save me?

 

Then I started praying hard in silence, hoping that he's not gonna post my photo on social media. I decided to care less about it because there's nothing I can do and it's getting late. I was mentally tired and I had no energy to storm my way to him and say "Fark you, delete my pics!!!" I decided to accept my misfortune eventually. I reached my station finally and I alighted. GREAT, he followed me. I'm pretty sure he was following me because he accelerated too when my pace took off faster and faster. He slowed down when I stopped. I broke out in cold sweat, real cold sweat and not the normal perspiration. I can smell my fear. I ran into the lift and pressed the close button. I was afraid that he knew which level I live. I pressed a few level buttons and took the stairs. I heaved a sigh of relief upon reaching my door. Home, I miss you. Bed, I love you. I knew I was safe at once when my dad answer the door.

 

 

My jogging mate

Rain of spring

 

I was chasing this drama at it's heel and Funshion decided not to stream it online. It was mad infuriating. Now, I'm bored again. Sigh.