Disregard

I am truly disappointed with you not because you committed a sin or a gravest mistake on earth. I thought I am able to turn a blind eye to everything mistake you erred, turn a deaf ear to stories I hear. It's not about what I think anymore. I can no longer condone your actions.

You showed disregard to a very close friend of yours (Let's name him J) who tried to give you the most awesome celebration despite his disability. Ever since then, I realised I had a clearer picture about what I'm seeing. It's not a drama but a real event. J placed you on his top priority list but you chose another activity despite knowing the fact that he could not participate for your selfishness. I did not expect you to speak evil of me claiming that I planned 2 events for you (dinner and party) when I obviously did not. I only planned 1 celebration (seriously one and only) and that's dinner. It was later cancelled because of the unexpected expectations from J which many were unwilling to compromise with. I had no choice but to cancelled the dinner. Even so, I decided to join the dinner because I wanted to and to be a sidekick (assistant) of J. You hinted many times about partying and told me that you wanted to party for celebration. It was impossible for me to plan a birthday party in the club for you because I could not expect everyone to chip in a big amount  just for you unless it's out of their own accord. Till today, I could not figure out the reason you told J, I was the planner for the party despite my awareness to his disability and the organizer for the dinner when I stated clearly that J was the one.

Is party so important that makes you disregard a friend?

What is the reason behind all your lies?

Is the thoughts and sincerity or crowd that matters?

Do you rather have a big group of friends who hate you or just few of them who loves you?

I knew that I was unable to organize a party for your celebration. You told me that you wanted to dance. I tried my best to make your wish come true. I learnt that V was going to party with her friends. She invited me and I asked her if you could join. You told me that you wanted to and therefore I gotten her to count you in. I texted you about the meeting time and location and you chose not to reply me when you read it. Upon arriving, you called and spoke in a nasty tone about long waiting time. V was the organiser and she was there earlier than me. You should have contacted her instead of me. You claimed that you did not see her. You told me that you had to leave for work when I reached. Maybe you really had something on, but I can't feel the honesty from you anymore.

Is this the so-called birthday party I planned for you?

Why should I organise 2 celebrations for you (Isn't one sufficient)?

Are you aware that you are making things difficult for me by making everyone upset with nasty comments at the slip of your tongue?

I have no idea what is your definition about happiness. For me, it's simple. I neither need a grand celebration nor expensive gifts. I don't need booze or branded gifts. All I want is just a simple dinner with friends. I don't want my friend to spend money buying gifts for me because I don't really need anything. I'll just be glad enough that they remember me, my birthday. I'll be happy enough even if my gift is going to a pen or chocolates (Not cups definitely, I have many at home). You only compared against the present I bought for the others, cheap or expensive. I got you an mp4 because I realised your phone heat up easily when you use it often. The first remark from you was really hurtful when you exclaimed, "Why not an iPod?". An iPod is definitely out of my budget. The current iTouch I am using is a gift. The mp4 I bought for you is from Creative. It cost me more than a hundred bucks and yet you gave a suspicious look thinking that was cheap.

What did you buy for me then?

Do you even remember wrapping my present with the wrappers I used to wrap your birthday gift (That really disgust me)?

Why do you have to compare with the others?

Does the value of gift weighs the same as our friendship?

You are upset about me not celebrating your birthday with you or maybe my incapability of organising a grand celebration for you. I am sorry if I fail you. Teng and Tard are so busy with work and family, yet I can feel their thoughtfulness. They make time for me even if it's just going to be a simple dinner or brunch. That is more than enough to make me happy.

How about you?

Did you even bother to ask me out?

Do you even want to spend a little short while with me?

You told me to date you out once in a blue moon (you stated once every fortnight). I did and I felt so humiliated and pathetic. You made me wait in vain and raised your voice at me, blaming me for not understanding towards your job. Then you hurled unreasonable comments at me praising me good with sarcasm. You bring innocent people into the topic, claiming that they treated you well because of me (Wth does it got to do with me?). You claimed the ones who treated you well and helped you at your lowest moment to be fake. Think about the one who loan you money to buy a hp when you are desperate and the one who bought you a gift to cheer you up. You told them off and gave away the present showing no respect. You accused the friendly one to be the culprit for the theft of your phone. You made accusation without proof when you lost your phone.

When can you learn to appreciate the others?

How can you suspect your own friend for the theft?

Now, you told J that we ain't close because we hardly meet and you claimed that I did not ask you out. I hardly meet Teng, Tard, Qian, Cassan and many many more. I feel close with them. We are grownups and I understand that we will not be forever young. We strive in studies and work, we have ships (friendship, relationship) to maintain, a future to build. It's not like old school days anymore. Everyone is busy with their own life. I am so disappointed to hear those words from you.

Why should I be the one asking you out always?

Why can't you ask me out instead?

Does a friendship weighs on the frequency of meeting up?

Teng text me when she come across nice horror movie. Laiyan sent me websites with interesting restaurants. Kailing drives me out once in a blue moon. Cassandra will find time even if it's going to be late night dinner. Even Qian asks me out for dinner during weekdays when I knock off early. You don't expect to take before you give. It's meant to be reciprocal.

 

Why do you expect so much?

What do you want from me exactly?

 

I am your friend and you told J that I am childish. That was heart breaking and you made me realised how well you know me. I work hard and play hard only because I want to strike a balance in life. True, work is above everything but I need to unwind at times too.

 

Should I be defined as childish just because I play hard?

Should I do things the way you did to be categorized as mature?

 

I had never criticised about your appearance. I neither done that to you nor in front of everyone because we are friends. I always tell you that you are pretty and you should be glad for who you really are. I never judge about your figure because I believe that appearance is not everything. You can have the best features, best figure in the world but it defeat the purpose when you have a poor character. That's what I believe but I'm not too sure about you.

 

Why are you always criticising about me then?

Shouldn't you show some basic respect to me?

 

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In my opinion, good friends need not meet all the time (weekly, monthly, yearly). It's the thoughts that count, the remembrance of one another, the amount of effort and every bits and pieces. The value of gifts is not important but the weight you carry in the person heart. True friends matter more than superficial friend. Learn to respect before you expect respect in return. Be kind to the others if you want the others to be kind to you. Be responsible for the mistakes you make and not finding excuses for it because excuses is equivalent to lies. I'm speechless for now.