So much

I have so much to say.
I have so much to write.
I have so much to throw.
I have so much to vent.
I have so much to cry.

Unfortunately, it's so much that I don't know what I can do to handle it. I just wanna say...

My life is so stuck.
My life is so fcked up.
My life is so messed.

Here I am, trying to pick it up right from the beginning and see how I can turn it around to make things work. I just wanna try even if it's gonna fail. Well, at least, I can tell myself proudly, "You had done your best and there's nothing for you to look back any more." Then, I'll give myself a big pat on my own back.

Ya right, I don't really understand what I'm saying any more because my brain is all messed up.

Have a nice day and good night.

Something about December

As simple as that

It's 5 plus, almost 6am in the morning. I'm feeling great apart from the fact that I'm physically unwell at the moment. Greatest credit goes to the awesome rainy weather we have. I'm currently under semi-retirement scheme. True, I'm too young for that. I made some changes to my work life and decided to give myself a break. After years of hard work, I believe I deserve that short break. I reduced my workload by half exactly and I decided to relax throughout the year before I kick off again. I want to rest and read some books, maybe sort out my thoughts at the same time. I want to have a cup of coffee or tea, scribbling some notes or diaries at a cafe and watch the moving crowd. I want to reorganise my life. Simple plan, simple life.