Chapter 1 Gain VS Loss

In each loss there is a gain, as in every gain there is a loss and with each ending comes a new beginning. Life can be beautiful. It can be a prick as well. Everyone wants the best of both worlds, so am I. I always believe that I am a blissful person. Yes, even till now despite losing a good friend. 

We cry over people we once loved. But today, bridges have been burnt. Letting go doesn't mean I stop caring. It only means I stop trying to force others to care. It takes two hands to clap and we all knew love is reciprocal. Honestly, I still think of her at times, wishing her happiness from faraway. She may be hating me because I left. The people that are quick to walk away are the ones who never intended to stay and she was always the one. It was my truly my first attempt to walk away and I did not turn back at then. It was not an easy task but I felt broken. "Disappointment" is not even strong enough to describe my feelings at then. After all, Rome wasn't build in a day and I was the jerk who broke her.

I could never imagine my most important moment without her. However, she disappeared in a twist of fate. It was a difficult choice and I would not have done so if there was still turning point. 

People asked me if I would turn back if she approaches me again. Maybe I will or maybe not. There's no "maybe" because I understand her well enough to know that she will not do so with her given character not having trust in people which includes me as well.

People talks and I listen because I always find out amazing things about myself that I never knew which can be entertaining. Some people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusion destroyed. Whereas, some people look forward to the truth because they are over confident that the truth is not going to shattered them. 

We all claimed to be unbothered by critiques and remarks. It's self proclaim. Deep within, I doubt I can be completely unbothered. However, I am willing to make changes if fault is with me. It is definitely mission impossible for me.

If there is a second chance, what will my reaction be?

There is no second chance in life. It's a growing up process. We learn, we strive. Maybe someday, we will meet. All the events of unhappiness fade away and a new chapter sparks off.

Maybe...

Nobody knows...

In loving memory

Life is unpredictable. It's neither long nor short. It was recent when my best friend's father passed on. I feel sad and awful but it's nothing compared to her pain of loss. I had no idea of the right ways to make her feel better because I know that, at this moment of time, nothing can make her feel any better. I tried not to rub salt on her wound especially when she is putting up a brave front.

Memory of this bubbly uncle will etched in my mind, for he is a good man, a good husband, a good father and a friend.

I'll never forget about his train jokes, interesting complaints, care and concern.

Stand tall

It's been a long while since I logged in to write about something. Things change around us from time to time. That include my life as well. I had been writing about having dreams to carve my own career endlessly. Honestly, I looked forward to it very much because I thought it was something that I could manage well. That may or may not be the entire truth. I'm just being grateful that I survive till today. It wasn't as easy as I thought. Nothing was smooth and my rocky path began 5 months ago.

I thought that I could earn the slightest respect from family, for the tough times I had been through, for the courage that I never thought of. It turned out to an entirely different scenario. Woman's capability is not recognized unlike it had seemed to appear on media. Despite so, I still wish to give it a go. Throughout my learning journey, I felt depressed and disheartened upon my terrible encounters. People are reserved about girls power. Nevertheless, if you have the will, you will find the way out. I stand firm on what I believe. Times flies and I am still struggling.

I can see the countless number of eyes watching me and waiting for me to collapse. I never expect it coming for me but I accept the harsh reality. Yes, that's how the things work. I may be down for a while, but I will get back on my feet. I believe in myself and I will not let those nasty people get what they want.

When everybody is standing, you must stand out.

Technically, I am afraid of the future that I will be facing. Mentally, I am not afraid. Because I do know that I have lovely friends behind me, giving me their blessing and doing little bits to push me ahead. I'll just have to stand tall and keep pushing myself forward. They will be there for me no matter what the outcome is. I can't give myself up to disappoint them.

I'll probably struggle for a longer while. But if I were to grit my teeth and work things out like a bitch, I'm sure I can make it.

When people try to put you down, just stand tall and it will be them who will be left feeling small.