There were times, I would ponder about things to myself. Eventually, I began to suspect there's something wrong with me. I know I wish to be productive in all areas, but I just could bring myself across the line. I always pray to myself that no one's gonna bring me down, no one's gonna ruin me further. Apparently, things just don't work it out the way I want. I tried to mingle around with friends, hoping to find a slight sense of fun. To my surprise, it's not getting any better. In fact, I just wanna stay home, kept alone and kept away from people. Soon, I began to detest crowd. I started to hate shopping which I used to love very much. I gave up my favourite drama series and television. I stopped playing pool and out for supper with friends.
Am I sort of sinking into depression?
I felt as though I was manipulate in an invisible way. Horrible people taking turn to mindfuck me especially when I wasn't the source of trouble. I tried to turn on a deaf ear and stay blind to happenings, but they just refused to let me off. Each time, I tried to play my role well, they would do all their best to find a needle in the haysack. I had done my best, but they never appreciate me. I tried to swallow the pain and agony that I had went through, but they just expect more and more.
What's fucking wrong with these people?
Where are their humanity?
Worst of all, I reaslised the best among that I had thought lied to me times and times. Unfortunately, I was forced to lied as well in a way that I wanna protect myself. I'm so sick of my life nowadays. I just wanna slog like a cow and remain quiet and peaceful.
How I wish, things had never began that way...
It'd be perfect.
