Complications

John Doe,

I understand what you are getting at. Don't worry, I really get your point. Maybe you are a friend, ex or passerby of hers. Even so, I don't think you'll admit. I don't know when you started reading my blog, but obviously you don't know the source of beginning, and the complications in between. These issues are linked in a way. If you wish to interprete it in your way, go ahead. I'm really fucking busy. I had no fucking energy to entertain this shit at the moment. Life's not just about explaining things that are not meant to be. Probably I'll explain when I'm slightly free.

Bye.

Take a step back

I don't need to explain anything to anyone about our friendship. John Doe, I don't care if people think that I could or could not do such a thing. I don't need you to judge me. If you think it's all cover up, go ahead and think what you want. I'm not as fucking free as you thought. I had a job, a life and alot more to be done. To me, you are just another hater trying to bring me down.

If you had any doubts about our friendship, it's your doubts, not mine. Are you me or her? Do you have the same chemistry between us? What do you even know about us? Are you even us? NO, you aren't.

I wished and wanted to remove the fucking tagboard. So you think I'm not pissed with that tagboard? You are so wrong. I wished that I had done it probably a year ago when an annoymous hater tagged that if I ever dare to remove this bloody tagboard, he/she would make things worst for us. Ever since the HWZ issues, you think I dare to risk it all the way? Who are you to judge my judgement? You're trying to play a hero telling me to remove the tagboard. Have you considered about the consequences? If the disastrous history ever repeat, are you able to bear the consequences? Or will you? How are you going to?

Hey Mr, you had not went through the HWZ issue with us. How much do you know about the consequences? Standing by the screen, reading about how people gonna make you the next infamous or even credit to the newspaper. You think it's freaking fun. What if I remove the tagboard, and this history repeat, don't you think I'm being more sorry and irresponsible to my friend. It's as good as pushing her into the damn cold and deep blue sea, letting the weak struggle in water till death. Is that what you want from me?

You must have thought that I could easily make a police report and nab the person who threatened us. It's not easy as you thought. Everything has a process to be done. We need the IP adress, and we need an attorney. I'm not any rich girl neither am I wealthy enough to hire one. I'm just someone leading a normal life. I'm confident that I had no ability to hire one. It's really costly. Just consulting, can cost you up at 1k or more. What about next? Sueing the person on and on? You gonna pay for me?

Let's be logic, let's not talk about just one hater. We assume if there are 3 or 5 or even 10. I'm not a fucking billionaire okay. If I am, I would risk it all out.

The scenario has been a lot better compared to 6mths ago. Things had toned down after a while. Can't you see that things are improving? If you thought that I wouldn't even remove a tagboard to prevent hurtful comments against her then go ahead.  I had hurtful comments against me, so do I remove the comment (from you) or the entire tagboard? No, because I'm trying hard to let things tone down. Sometimes, you got to take a step back and see what's really good. In the moment of anger, I can remove the damn tagboard and risk everything out. But if I take a step back, letting things tone down by nature, don't you think it is better?

In the middle of the night

After reading the tag from John Doe in my tagboard, I honestly don't feel good. I would rather say I'm furious than upset. If I said, I've done nothing like that, you might think it's bullshit. If I keep mum to myself, you might thought I was feeling awful for my terrible doing. Therefore, I wish not to clarified on that. I strongly thought that if I did, it means I did; if I didn't, it means I didn't.

I wasn't afraid of people giving me names or making accusation towards me. But, I was afraid of losing my best friend forever. She's not just a friend, she is a sister, a family member or someone dear to my heart. When I was down, she was the one who gave me encouragement and made me an optimistic person. We share secrets and save the best thing for one another. She would always save me a seat in class when we were in a team. I used to treat her to movies when I got extra allowances. She would make her signature egg mayo sandwich while I planned surprises for her birthday annually. We shared a waffle and curse the man who broke our fragile heart together. We would cry together and share the woes. There was once when Ah Tard went missing in action for the entire day, I was so afraid that she might encounter some mishap that I broke into tears. We went through thick and thin together and never leave the other behind. This is our happy and forever ongoing friendship; as strong as steel. I am afraid of losing my best friend forever, but I have faith in our friendship and trust in her understanding towards me.

Why would I do something like that when I know it hurts?

I'm not afraid to let people know my pasts because there's nothing to be ashame of. 3 years ago, I was in the same class with Ah Tard. Similar scenario applied onto me way before her. Someone hated me to core, calling me horrible names and critque about my shabbly look. Worst, my hater made untrue accusation towards me and post it in Hardware Zone forum. My hater even printscreen my ugly shots and post it in the forum with my blog link. He/She created 3 threads for me and things were roaring crazily in the thread during that period. Within a day, there were more than 12 pages in each thread. I had no choice but got the mod to take down the thread and report the case to the police station.

You had any idea how hard I cried?

You thought I don't know the feeling of being hated and dislike?

You had any idea of the fear deep in me about what's up next?

I know exactly what my friend is going through. I been through it once, I knew the feeling and taste of it. It's bitter. I wouldn't want my friend to been through such a pain if I had a choice. When I stood up for my friend, I meant it sincerely.

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Maybe I hadn't put things into proper words. I'm not trying to challenge the hater (whether is it mine or her). I personally chose not to remove the comments. You got to know, everyone has the right to hate and like someone. Right now, John Doe thinks that I'm the hater. So does that mean I had to take down his comment? Definitely no. He has the right to suspect me, but I too have the right to get angry and emotional. I'm just trying to convey a message to the hater, what's done cannot be undone. The hater shouldn't be always repeating the same issue. There must be an end to this someday and somewhat. There's not point dwelling onto it. It took me much courage to walk out of my phobia (Hardware Zone issue). I chose not to dwell on it. You think I love my tagboard? I hate it because it suck. Life goes on no matter what. You just have to live to the fullest.

Anyway, I'm in a real bad mood now. Sick of these...

Not making any sense...

Made my eyes widened and jaw dropped in the middle of the night. That's it.

I hope my post is not making things any worst.

Night,

Pzy